Without the ability to have a good meal, even Chinese food, to fall a sleep, even in midnight, I have tolerated such life for a whole month which is my forth month in US.
If there were no Chinese word, no “didi” from OICQ, any pictures and videos saved in my laptop, no moving music, no paying attention to my email, blog, MSN, QQ, I would not be able to write this blog.
I never want to acknowledge that I am fragile because I do not think there are any relationships between this and fragility, nor does maladjustment. That is just a whoop from the bottom of my heart, hoping to penetrate the fact which seems like a dream. I still persist in my opinion that I am not sure if this is a fact because everyday the role is changing too fast which I feel like a drama that whenever I want, I can just watch the next without worrying what have happened or not. I do not like such kind of pain. What I really want is when I am lying on the bed; I can feel I am in USA or even happily. But so remarkable simply thing develops so complex that I do not want to see my best friends, my family, my country in my dream or I even do want my dream.
Everyday without busy study, I do not know what I have done. In this month, there is 4 tests which have filled all the month so that I even do not know what the building beside our school is used for. For the tests, I have stopped all my class, so I do not have new classmates. With my friends’ one by one leaving, with the steps of the Spring Festival, with the increasing tests, I finally know that I am so lonely. Nobody can ask me “How is everything going?” Nobody can send me message that “happy festival”. No impulsion leads me to check my email everyday. What leave for me is the heartrending pictures, videos, and music. I have to choose to sit in a lonely corner to read my SAT book, listening to the music with some tears or even without tears.
To think of going back to China becomes so strong that when I saw me friends taking air tickets, packing their bags, crazy shopping, thinking the time, I was just sitting nearby quietly. I try to love this city, those people, every minute in USA, actually I have done all of these, but I fail easily when the sky becomes dark. After thinking twice, the most harvest I have gotten for these 4 months are my friends whose traits are different who have been in all over the world again. Tomorrow, I have to say goodbye to two of my friends which means I will be lonelier next month. I am longing for the Spring Festival just like waiting for New Year. I bought messages by paying a mount of money for the happiness in an uproar. I still like my own swordsman even I can already recite all the details just because I can find lots of treasure I lost.
Sometimes, the terry is not the surfs ocean, not the alp, but the extraordinarily quiet water just like the death which is the moment timed that neither a flower nor a tree loses its life instantaneously and quietly. Every day’s life is simplified from sleeping, waking up, studying, eating to sleeping, sometimes even omitted some parts. In such quiet, I remember a famous saying that “it either breaks out in silence, or dies out in reticence.” I am hoping challenges and halting at the top of the wave.
New challenges and new life defy my utmost and my innovation. Actually this quiet life is also a kind of challenge, measureless missing are also becoming new powers and unable to eat and sleep also can be what I want to depend on. The real life can never be consummated: peace can not replace surge and surge can not be better than peace. But everything can be a new attempt, a new start and a new peak. I only want a fulcrum that can help to halt at the top of the wave.
Since I am willing to be different, but in the ocean, I have to follow up and down with the fluctuation of the wave. However, this just is the new experience. With the fluctuation, I can know what the direction I am walking on is. Nobody can control the wave, but the direction you will face can be controlled by yourself. The ocean is boundless, but there is only one direction which fits you completely and you will never be repentant of. In the boundless ocean, I only want a fulcrum that helps to halt at the top of the wave.
It is the wave that is hitting on me, that tries to topple me over and that obstructs from my advancing. At the same time, it also evokes me, supports me and sends me to the far place. There is no end of the ocean and the sky, but there is another thing can be compared to the ocean and the sky’s boundless which is called determination. The wave is not frightfulness, because it is my opponent, my aim, and my motility. In the boundless ocean, I only want a fulcrum that helps to halt at the top of the wave. I know there will be hardness, but only the wave can bring me to the end of the sky.
Feb 5, 2008
Feb 2, 2008
Forever 074
Now, it is the most important moment for my applications, but people who know me well can predict that I will have innovations at this point. So now I have upload some vadio made from the materials in my high school to mourn for my elapsed high school time. This blog will update anytime, so you please pay attention to it.
现在正是准备考试的最重要关头，了解我的同志们都知道这个时候我一定会出一些新的花样，所以现在上传“高中点滴”若干，并且会不断更新（依据网速），希望大家时常关注。问：谁知道那里可以上传音频文件？请告知！谢谢~谁有珍贵视频文件或链接，请告知，谢谢~
本blog的连接就在首页，可以随时点击察看~
PS：拜托，留个言啊~感激不尽！
If you want to leave me a passage(no matter in chinese or in english), you please make sure you are now in http://394003276.blog.sohu.com/49097851.html
Thank you~please begin enjoying, now
1.Class07.4 pass school spirit to Class09.4 07.4——09.4校风传递（head of the vadio）
2.imaging the new term畅想新学期（head of the vadio）
3.mending…：the main website of Class 07.4 in No.1 Middle School郑州一中07.4班官方网站（website）
4.innovation record of Class 07.4 in No.1 Middle School super 074郑州一中07.4办原创专辑《超级零柒肆》原创专辑（accompaniment）：
1）It is here（melodrama《It is here》topic music）——Zhang JY
(Deducted by Zhang JY in a little sad English, without affectation, leaving the sounds of nature略带伤感的旋律加上由婧筱荫演绎的英文，没有情歌矫情，留下的纯真的天籁之音）
2）flying though seven miles七里翔——Flying Through Seven Miles七里翔
（I can see the golden wheat field which a butterfly sweeps pass with faint scent from the field金黄金黄的麦田，一只蝴蝶掠过，带着扑面而来的缕缕麦香）
3）see back再回首——Cuicui & KFC翠翠、钾肥猫
（a love song which affects me a lot brings me the feeling of the first love一首感人至深的情歌，每当音乐响起，似乎就能找到初恋的感觉）
4）adolescent青春少年——Cuicui & Youxue & Shamo翠翠、幽雪、沙漠
（a song about youth with buoyant melody and beautiful sunshine一首青春的歌曲，轻快的旋律，充满着阳光和朝气）
5. gymnastics race广播操比赛 (vadio）
（the success in Grade 1, No.1 in the gymnastics race makes the whole school realize the growth of our Class 4高一的辉煌，广播操的第一名让全校看到了074的成长）
6.the entrance for Grade 2 athletic meeting高二运动会入场式 （vadio）
（No.1 again in the entrance race which is the pride for Grade 2 高二的骄傲，再获全校第一）
7.sending off our lovely monitor Star series欢送Star系列（vadio）
（leave of our respect monitor Star ever makes us sad and confused我们敬爱的副班长的离开，让我们曾一度困惑和伤感）
Teacher Zhang’s joke and the compere张玉杰的冷笑话+主持人登场
Our love(Zhang JY)+relay race in Grade1我们的爱(婧筱荫)+高一运动会接力
The king Flying Through Seven Miles shows his aria(1)歌王七里翔大秀唱功（上）
The king Flying Through Seven Miles shows his aria(2)歌王七里翔大秀唱功（下）
others欢送Star（下）之签同学录
8. gymnastics值周领操 （vadio）
9.Flying Through Seven Miles翔歌 （vadio）
10.interview our monitor班长访谈 （vadio）
11.Yang and Zhao晓阳和小昭 （vadio）
12.melodrama series音乐剧特辑 （vadio and audio）
（a piece of unfinished dream that It is here which is in our minds一段没来得及完成的梦，残缺的梦更让人难以释怀，就在这里，就在我们的心里）
1）the head of the melodrama音乐剧总片头 （vadio）
2）the introduction of one of the protagonists ___Xiaotian Cui(Cuicui acts)主角介绍之崔小天（翠翠饰）版 （vadio）
3)love is in our minds MTV爱因为在心中MTV版（vadio）
4）feature幕后花絮 （vadio）
5）good people have good dream MTV好人好梦MTV版（vadio）
13. meating of the class for 12.9 movement一二·九运动主题班会
（074 Grade 4’s meating class for 12.9 movement郑州一中074班高二上期129运动主题班会。主持：婧筱荫、小唐 特邀主持：冬日夏雪 特邀嘉宾：王保华老师、张玉杰老师、魏雅贤老师）
Meating class(1)班会12.9运动（上）
Meating class(2)班会12.9运动（下）
14.super 074 concert (commend)超级074大型音乐会（强力推荐）
（074 first super activity——super 074 concert. not only lots of super stars, but also good propagandize is in this activily which means that 074 is walking from juvenscence toward mature!074班第一场超大型活动——超级074音乐会，不仅嘉宾阵容强大，明星耀眼，宣传到位，最重要的是，从此，074由青涩走向成熟！）
074 super concert (1)074班超级音乐会（上）
(playbill: initial music: all the stars 1001 Hopes 1.FTSM, Tian Yue Beautiful Fable备注：074超级音乐会上节目单：序曲——群星合唱《一千零一个愿望》 1、七里翔、血燕不飞《美丽的神话》)
074 super concert(2)074班超级音乐会（中）
(playbill:2 Cuicui, Zi Xinhan Courage 3.You Xue Over The Rainbow 4.You You, Ice Man Go Back To The Past 5.Cui2, Lian YI Larger Than Life备注：074超级音乐会中节目单：2.翠翠、紫昕寒《勇气》 3.幽雪《over the rainbow》 4.尤尤、ICE MAN《回到过去》 5.崔2、连衣《larger than life》)
074 super concert(3)074班超级音乐会（下）
(playbill:6. astriction Ka Qiu Sha 7.Zhang Dingding & Xiao Qiang & Monster Cold And Lonely In Dune 8.Zhang JY memory 9.secert ??? end music Monument For Youth background music Hopes备注：074超级音乐会下节目单：6.便秘《喀秋莎》 7.张丁丁 小强 怪物《寂寞沙洲冷》 8.婧筱荫《memory》 9.神秘嘉宾《？？？》 结束曲《青春纪念册》 尾曲《希望》)
15. 074 musical performance series07.4班大型演奏会特辑
（a secret vadio which does not have enough time to prepare and orgniaze without any drumbeating was not regarded as a good production. But after a whole day’s effect, it has become another precious deposits. 一段珍藏视频，之前却没有做任何宣传，因为准备时间过于仓促，组织不够完善，再加上部分材料丢失，设备不够齐全等等因素，该视频一直不被看好，但经过今天一天的努力，却发现了另一块属于074班的瑰宝。）
074 musical performance(1)074大型演奏会（一）
074 musical performance(2)074大型演奏会（二）
074 musical performance(3)074大型演奏会（三）
074 musical performance(4)074大型演奏会（四）
16. soldier training军训
（this was the first time we met together. 应该是我们第一次见彼此，第一次合作，第一次的有材料记录，回忆起我们的第一次...）
soldier training(1)军训（上）
soldier training(2)军训（下）
annotations附赠：No.1 Middle School 0715 melodrama kingkong series郑州一中07.15班《金刚》特辑
(one of the prodigy in 074 led classmates in 0715 to make this melodrama kingkong which not only had been rewarded as the best film in 2006, but also had lots of benefits and tears. 07.4班才子阿童木带领07.15班指导的年度大戏《金刚》一度赢得了年度最佳电影，高票房的双丰收，赚取了高额的利益和名声的同时，还赚取了同学们大把的眼泪和笑声...)
0715 melodrama kingkong+feature(1)0715班音乐剧《金刚》+《金刚》花絮+《杠人委员会》（一）
0715 melodrama kingkong+feature(2)0715班音乐剧《金刚》+《金刚》花絮+《杠人委员会》（二）
0715 melodrama kingkong+feature(3)0715班音乐剧《金刚》+《金刚》花絮+《杠人委员会》（三）
0715 melodrama kingkong+feature(4)0715班音乐剧《金刚》+《金刚》花絮+《杠人委员会》（四）
If you want to leave me a message, please make sure that now you are in http://394003276.blog.sohu.com/49097851.html .
Thank you!
现在正是准备考试的最重要关头，了解我的同志们都知道这个时候我一定会出一些新的花样，所以现在上传“高中点滴”若干，并且会不断更新（依据网速），希望大家时常关注。问：谁知道那里可以上传音频文件？请告知！谢谢~谁有珍贵视频文件或链接，请告知，谢谢~
本blog的连接就在首页，可以随时点击察看~
PS：拜托，留个言啊~感激不尽！
If you want to leave me a passage(no matter in chinese or in english), you please make sure you are now in http://394003276.blog.sohu.com/49097851.html
Thank you~please begin enjoying, now
1.Class07.4 pass school spirit to Class09.4 07.4——09.4校风传递（head of the vadio）
2.imaging the new term畅想新学期（head of the vadio）
3.mending…：the main website of Class 07.4 in No.1 Middle School郑州一中07.4班官方网站（website）
4.innovation record of Class 07.4 in No.1 Middle School super 074郑州一中07.4办原创专辑《超级零柒肆》原创专辑（accompaniment）：
1）It is here（melodrama《It is here》topic music）——Zhang JY
(Deducted by Zhang JY in a little sad English, without affectation, leaving the sounds of nature略带伤感的旋律加上由婧筱荫演绎的英文，没有情歌矫情，留下的纯真的天籁之音）
2）flying though seven miles七里翔——Flying Through Seven Miles七里翔
（I can see the golden wheat field which a butterfly sweeps pass with faint scent from the field金黄金黄的麦田，一只蝴蝶掠过，带着扑面而来的缕缕麦香）
3）see back再回首——Cuicui & KFC翠翠、钾肥猫
（a love song which affects me a lot brings me the feeling of the first love一首感人至深的情歌，每当音乐响起，似乎就能找到初恋的感觉）
4）adolescent青春少年——Cuicui & Youxue & Shamo翠翠、幽雪、沙漠
（a song about youth with buoyant melody and beautiful sunshine一首青春的歌曲，轻快的旋律，充满着阳光和朝气）
5. gymnastics race广播操比赛 (vadio）
（the success in Grade 1, No.1 in the gymnastics race makes the whole school realize the growth of our Class 4高一的辉煌，广播操的第一名让全校看到了074的成长）
6.the entrance for Grade 2 athletic meeting高二运动会入场式 （vadio）
（No.1 again in the entrance race which is the pride for Grade 2 高二的骄傲，再获全校第一）
7.sending off our lovely monitor Star series欢送Star系列（vadio）
（leave of our respect monitor Star ever makes us sad and confused我们敬爱的副班长的离开，让我们曾一度困惑和伤感）
Teacher Zhang’s joke and the compere张玉杰的冷笑话+主持人登场
Our love(Zhang JY)+relay race in Grade1我们的爱(婧筱荫)+高一运动会接力
The king Flying Through Seven Miles shows his aria(1)歌王七里翔大秀唱功（上）
The king Flying Through Seven Miles shows his aria(2)歌王七里翔大秀唱功（下）
others欢送Star（下）之签同学录
8. gymnastics值周领操 （vadio）
9.Flying Through Seven Miles翔歌 （vadio）
10.interview our monitor班长访谈 （vadio）
11.Yang and Zhao晓阳和小昭 （vadio）
12.melodrama series音乐剧特辑 （vadio and audio）
（a piece of unfinished dream that It is here which is in our minds一段没来得及完成的梦，残缺的梦更让人难以释怀，就在这里，就在我们的心里）
1）the head of the melodrama音乐剧总片头 （vadio）
2）the introduction of one of the protagonists ___Xiaotian Cui(Cuicui acts)主角介绍之崔小天（翠翠饰）版 （vadio）
3)love is in our minds MTV爱因为在心中MTV版（vadio）
4）feature幕后花絮 （vadio）
5）good people have good dream MTV好人好梦MTV版（vadio）
13. meating of the class for 12.9 movement一二·九运动主题班会
（074 Grade 4’s meating class for 12.9 movement郑州一中074班高二上期129运动主题班会。主持：婧筱荫、小唐 特邀主持：冬日夏雪 特邀嘉宾：王保华老师、张玉杰老师、魏雅贤老师）
Meating class(1)班会12.9运动（上）
Meating class(2)班会12.9运动（下）
14.super 074 concert (commend)超级074大型音乐会（强力推荐）
（074 first super activity——super 074 concert. not only lots of super stars, but also good propagandize is in this activily which means that 074 is walking from juvenscence toward mature!074班第一场超大型活动——超级074音乐会，不仅嘉宾阵容强大，明星耀眼，宣传到位，最重要的是，从此，074由青涩走向成熟！）
074 super concert (1)074班超级音乐会（上）
(playbill: initial music: all the stars 1001 Hopes 1.FTSM, Tian Yue Beautiful Fable备注：074超级音乐会上节目单：序曲——群星合唱《一千零一个愿望》 1、七里翔、血燕不飞《美丽的神话》)
074 super concert(2)074班超级音乐会（中）
(playbill:2 Cuicui, Zi Xinhan Courage 3.You Xue Over The Rainbow 4.You You, Ice Man Go Back To The Past 5.Cui2, Lian YI Larger Than Life备注：074超级音乐会中节目单：2.翠翠、紫昕寒《勇气》 3.幽雪《over the rainbow》 4.尤尤、ICE MAN《回到过去》 5.崔2、连衣《larger than life》)
074 super concert(3)074班超级音乐会（下）
(playbill:6. astriction Ka Qiu Sha 7.Zhang Dingding & Xiao Qiang & Monster Cold And Lonely In Dune 8.Zhang JY memory 9.secert ??? end music Monument For Youth background music Hopes备注：074超级音乐会下节目单：6.便秘《喀秋莎》 7.张丁丁 小强 怪物《寂寞沙洲冷》 8.婧筱荫《memory》 9.神秘嘉宾《？？？》 结束曲《青春纪念册》 尾曲《希望》)
15. 074 musical performance series07.4班大型演奏会特辑
（a secret vadio which does not have enough time to prepare and orgniaze without any drumbeating was not regarded as a good production. But after a whole day’s effect, it has become another precious deposits. 一段珍藏视频，之前却没有做任何宣传，因为准备时间过于仓促，组织不够完善，再加上部分材料丢失，设备不够齐全等等因素，该视频一直不被看好，但经过今天一天的努力，却发现了另一块属于074班的瑰宝。）
074 musical performance(1)074大型演奏会（一）
074 musical performance(2)074大型演奏会（二）
074 musical performance(3)074大型演奏会（三）
074 musical performance(4)074大型演奏会（四）
16. soldier training军训
（this was the first time we met together. 应该是我们第一次见彼此，第一次合作，第一次的有材料记录，回忆起我们的第一次...）
soldier training(1)军训（上）
soldier training(2)军训（下）
annotations附赠：No.1 Middle School 0715 melodrama kingkong series郑州一中07.15班《金刚》特辑
(one of the prodigy in 074 led classmates in 0715 to make this melodrama kingkong which not only had been rewarded as the best film in 2006, but also had lots of benefits and tears. 07.4班才子阿童木带领07.15班指导的年度大戏《金刚》一度赢得了年度最佳电影，高票房的双丰收，赚取了高额的利益和名声的同时，还赚取了同学们大把的眼泪和笑声...)
0715 melodrama kingkong+feature(1)0715班音乐剧《金刚》+《金刚》花絮+《杠人委员会》（一）
0715 melodrama kingkong+feature(2)0715班音乐剧《金刚》+《金刚》花絮+《杠人委员会》（二）
0715 melodrama kingkong+feature(3)0715班音乐剧《金刚》+《金刚》花絮+《杠人委员会》（三）
0715 melodrama kingkong+feature(4)0715班音乐剧《金刚》+《金刚》花絮+《杠人委员会》（四）
If you want to leave me a message, please make sure that now you are in http://394003276.blog.sohu.com/49097851.html .
Thank you!
My own 2007
From the very first hi，
I was compelled with 2007 benignly，
when I missed this stop that night，
to see again，
18 years ago when this fight began.
I can not remember when I was coerced to be called "the generation of 7". With too much sadness mixed with too much over happiness, I should have predicted this year.
This should be the very last rain in 2007. From the refraction of the raindrop, not only those pretty Christmas Trees, but also a dejected eye with dim mood can be seen.
07 really leave.
Do 07 really leave?
Do 07 finally leave?
Perhaps，I have a little bit of longing。
Said the New Year Even，I am being dragged by my hypersensitive nerve to 365 days ago when, without snow, was a no snowy New Year Day… No more New Year Eves could impress me so much as the last one did not because of the magic of the magic chicken. Except longings, hopes, satisfactions, happiness, including a little infantilism, what else the picture of Utopia need? At that time, I had what I wanted and did not have what I hated. With sending messages to friends, sipping some Cola, dipping the chips, I ate the whole hamburger. However, the more pretty and welfare the drawing is, the more fragile the dream could be.
That my life was involved into chaos left me no time to realize what happened.
One became abnormal who was I or ever been thought as me since that indeed was I who finally was found to be not me. One started woolgathering that I should do or ever been regarded as correct although I indeed should not do but finally I found I should. One preferred impatience which I did not want, but chose, which should not have preferred and turned out that I did not want.
With foully invocation to the calyx canthus, during a whole month’s surfing, I tried to smile to myself, however, being beaten down by myself again.
Followed a heavy disease, a man who, when he is clear—head, can not be conscious, but, becomes sober knowing what he need when he is lying on the bed. Although I can stand up again, the knife was still there, the scar was there, and the route carefully sewed the wound was still there.
Can choosing to forget extricate me?
Suddenly, I just realize that for the kink, sometimes to cut it is more important than to extricate it. Now I feel, at that time, I was too stupid maybe because of pressures or yearn or just that clubs tree, or nothing that I had been depressed for too long time getting a serious sick.
After raining, sunshine will be waiting for me, sometimes even rainbow. When I saw my smile again, I asked myself why not. I did not know, but fortunately, it had gone, gone. New life began, since it became monotony, since I sometimes was at a loss, but I after all a glowing sun.
Fiction liking to say good times don't last long is not baseless.
Second examination did not leave me a good gift. Impetuously, I never became jumpy like that time. Without thinking, I can only believe my feeling, sometimes even without feeling
For Gaokao and going aboard, I do not need to say too much. Believe me, sometimes, the heaven can really be collapsed.
The rain stops. Classmates come back. Laughers are circling in the aisles amazingly consistently. Watching outside of the window, the lights for Christmas have not been taken away. I suddenly find that the hair seems so long that it should be cut.
07 really leave.
Do 07 really leave？
Do 07 really leave me and never come back？
Perhaps, I find I can not receive this truth.
I can promise that this must be the last blog in 2007!
Howbeit I lost a lot; I after all have ever received. The warm is still in my mind. Because I can take it up, I should also learn how to give it up. Because of waiving, I found it valuable for me. Because of value, I hoped to catch. Because of hopes, I lost again.
Study is hard, because of too much honey. Everyone’s ever laughter, discussion and suspiration are always around me even if I try to avoid him whose relationships is so deep that, I think, the words are from Teacher Wang.
Under the light from the lamp in midnight, with the familiar shadow, sometimes I feel whether I am too welfare.
I am surprised to find that I can even so even be so happy, that I can be more successful, that I can do much better. There are that huge amount of people worrying about me, such a lot people regards me with new views, developments I having had.
I began to be willing to try every kind of challenges. To challenge different kinds of me who want more different challenges, I will laugh at wealth, nod to fame, run away from compliment. What I want to do is hide my experiences and write them down carefully, using letters from me mind, from the rain, from the small dimple.
Little by little, dreams as gifts for Christmas pleasantly surprise me a lot for everything changing too fast that I can not bear, for everything I chose to be my love that finally I found was a joke made by the God.
The bang from the bell of UC Berkeley wakes me up without calling up the memory which will be buried. Certainly, I will have a good weather with beautiful California sunshine which is always alluring.
07 really leave.
07 do really leave！
07 do really leave calmly！
Oh, the real meaning of 07 is not that fighting, not walking though US, not the bless that Happy New Year.
Therefore, drop is a kind of achievement. The more I dropped, the more I got. I remember that somebody has told me that the more we get, the more we will lost. But do we just want to complete who have more candy at last? No, what we really care about are those lost and achieve which are called experiences.
Before I could not understand why I have to leave my own country, my own hometown, my own friends, my own family, But when I get up at 3 o’clock in the morning, carefully count the time, and make sure every detail, I know everything that I have never left them and my mind.
Before I liked to ask if one day, I suddenly left, would any one still remember me. Before I liked to say the difference between people who I loved and who loved me is how I deal with. Mostly, when I tried to solve these issues, just a moment, I can get the right answer. But funnily, the answer from after thousands of thinking rather than a moment is always too crude, too fragility. “Thank you, Sorry, That’s OK, You are welcome” sometime are really useful.
What the most difficult method people are on is not a brambly way or a high way because on those roads, we at least have an aim that we need to do is following our own aims without thinking anything. More difficult thing is to choose one from two completely different ways. I like to regret because I want to be consummate. But when you have chosen one way, no matter what is the result, you have been successes. Because you can never know what is the end of the other one and the history will be changed with your choosing. American like to say “which one is good?” but the meaning of this sentence is not as it looks like. It tells you to let the thing have already passed pass. New life, new way and you have begun. Because we can never know the end, we can never get an answer to this question. So it is a answer rather than a question.
San Francisco does not have snow, but have blood.
I was compelled with 2007 benignly，
when I missed this stop that night，
to see again，
18 years ago when this fight began.
I can not remember when I was coerced to be called "the generation of 7". With too much sadness mixed with too much over happiness, I should have predicted this year.
This should be the very last rain in 2007. From the refraction of the raindrop, not only those pretty Christmas Trees, but also a dejected eye with dim mood can be seen.
07 really leave.
Do 07 really leave?
Do 07 finally leave?
Perhaps，I have a little bit of longing。
Said the New Year Even，I am being dragged by my hypersensitive nerve to 365 days ago when, without snow, was a no snowy New Year Day… No more New Year Eves could impress me so much as the last one did not because of the magic of the magic chicken. Except longings, hopes, satisfactions, happiness, including a little infantilism, what else the picture of Utopia need? At that time, I had what I wanted and did not have what I hated. With sending messages to friends, sipping some Cola, dipping the chips, I ate the whole hamburger. However, the more pretty and welfare the drawing is, the more fragile the dream could be.
That my life was involved into chaos left me no time to realize what happened.
One became abnormal who was I or ever been thought as me since that indeed was I who finally was found to be not me. One started woolgathering that I should do or ever been regarded as correct although I indeed should not do but finally I found I should. One preferred impatience which I did not want, but chose, which should not have preferred and turned out that I did not want.
With foully invocation to the calyx canthus, during a whole month’s surfing, I tried to smile to myself, however, being beaten down by myself again.
Followed a heavy disease, a man who, when he is clear—head, can not be conscious, but, becomes sober knowing what he need when he is lying on the bed. Although I can stand up again, the knife was still there, the scar was there, and the route carefully sewed the wound was still there.
Can choosing to forget extricate me?
Suddenly, I just realize that for the kink, sometimes to cut it is more important than to extricate it. Now I feel, at that time, I was too stupid maybe because of pressures or yearn or just that clubs tree, or nothing that I had been depressed for too long time getting a serious sick.
After raining, sunshine will be waiting for me, sometimes even rainbow. When I saw my smile again, I asked myself why not. I did not know, but fortunately, it had gone, gone. New life began, since it became monotony, since I sometimes was at a loss, but I after all a glowing sun.
Fiction liking to say good times don't last long is not baseless.
Second examination did not leave me a good gift. Impetuously, I never became jumpy like that time. Without thinking, I can only believe my feeling, sometimes even without feeling
For Gaokao and going aboard, I do not need to say too much. Believe me, sometimes, the heaven can really be collapsed.
The rain stops. Classmates come back. Laughers are circling in the aisles amazingly consistently. Watching outside of the window, the lights for Christmas have not been taken away. I suddenly find that the hair seems so long that it should be cut.
07 really leave.
Do 07 really leave？
Do 07 really leave me and never come back？
Perhaps, I find I can not receive this truth.
I can promise that this must be the last blog in 2007!
Howbeit I lost a lot; I after all have ever received. The warm is still in my mind. Because I can take it up, I should also learn how to give it up. Because of waiving, I found it valuable for me. Because of value, I hoped to catch. Because of hopes, I lost again.
Study is hard, because of too much honey. Everyone’s ever laughter, discussion and suspiration are always around me even if I try to avoid him whose relationships is so deep that, I think, the words are from Teacher Wang.
Under the light from the lamp in midnight, with the familiar shadow, sometimes I feel whether I am too welfare.
I am surprised to find that I can even so even be so happy, that I can be more successful, that I can do much better. There are that huge amount of people worrying about me, such a lot people regards me with new views, developments I having had.
I began to be willing to try every kind of challenges. To challenge different kinds of me who want more different challenges, I will laugh at wealth, nod to fame, run away from compliment. What I want to do is hide my experiences and write them down carefully, using letters from me mind, from the rain, from the small dimple.
Little by little, dreams as gifts for Christmas pleasantly surprise me a lot for everything changing too fast that I can not bear, for everything I chose to be my love that finally I found was a joke made by the God.
The bang from the bell of UC Berkeley wakes me up without calling up the memory which will be buried. Certainly, I will have a good weather with beautiful California sunshine which is always alluring.
07 really leave.
07 do really leave！
07 do really leave calmly！
Oh, the real meaning of 07 is not that fighting, not walking though US, not the bless that Happy New Year.
Therefore, drop is a kind of achievement. The more I dropped, the more I got. I remember that somebody has told me that the more we get, the more we will lost. But do we just want to complete who have more candy at last? No, what we really care about are those lost and achieve which are called experiences.
Before I could not understand why I have to leave my own country, my own hometown, my own friends, my own family, But when I get up at 3 o’clock in the morning, carefully count the time, and make sure every detail, I know everything that I have never left them and my mind.
Before I liked to ask if one day, I suddenly left, would any one still remember me. Before I liked to say the difference between people who I loved and who loved me is how I deal with. Mostly, when I tried to solve these issues, just a moment, I can get the right answer. But funnily, the answer from after thousands of thinking rather than a moment is always too crude, too fragility. “Thank you, Sorry, That’s OK, You are welcome” sometime are really useful.
What the most difficult method people are on is not a brambly way or a high way because on those roads, we at least have an aim that we need to do is following our own aims without thinking anything. More difficult thing is to choose one from two completely different ways. I like to regret because I want to be consummate. But when you have chosen one way, no matter what is the result, you have been successes. Because you can never know what is the end of the other one and the history will be changed with your choosing. American like to say “which one is good?” but the meaning of this sentence is not as it looks like. It tells you to let the thing have already passed pass. New life, new way and you have begun. Because we can never know the end, we can never get an answer to this question. So it is a answer rather than a question.
San Francisco does not have snow, but have blood.
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